The Long Road Up
by ANK1983
Summary: Completely AU. What if Jax never died? What if he chose a different path after that conversation with JT? What if it was possible for Jax to find happiness and love again? This is my take on how things could have gone if Jax Teller had lived.
1. Chapter 1

_***Ok, so i'm taking a little time from writing my current story because I have an idea for another story. This time it's a Jax story. IF this first chapter gets a lot of views, likes, faves and reviews, then I will make this my next project. This story is, at the moment, untitled, but again, ideas from you guys would be great.**_

_**I got the inspiration for this story when I listened to a song called Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran. So I hope this one goes over as well as my Juice story, Home is Where You Will Always Belong.**_

_I've been spinning now for time_  
><em> Couple women by my side<em>  
><em> I got sinning on my mind<em>  
><em> Sipping on red wine<em>  
><em> I've been sitting here for ages<em>  
><em> Ripping out the pages<em>  
><em> How'd I get so faded?<em>  
><em> How'd I get so faded?<em>

_ Oh, no, no, don't leave me lonely now_  
><em> If you loved me how'd you never learn<em>  
><em> Ooh, colour crimson in my eyes<em>  
><em> One or two could free my mind<em>

_ This is how it ends,_  
><em> I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream.<em>  
><em> Fading out again,<em>  
><em> I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream.<em>  
><em> So tell me when it kicks in.<em>  
><em> Well, tell me when it kicks in.<em>

_ I've been looking for a lover_  
><em> Thought I'd find her in a bottle<em>  
><em> God, make me another one<em>  
><em> I'll be feeling this tomorrow<em>  
><em> Lord, forgive me for the things I've done<em>  
><em> I was never meant to hurt no one<em>  
><em> I saw scars upon a broken-hearted lover<em>

_ So tell me when it kicks in._

_ All the voices in my mind_  
><em> Calling out across the line<em>

_ Tell me when it kicks in_  
><em> I saw scars upon her<em>  
><em> Tell me when it kicks in<em>  
><em> Broken-hearted<em>

* * *

><p>He sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at the girl that he had picked up that night at the local bar and then he looked over at the white lines on his coffee table. He had no idea how his life had gotten to this point, everything had gotten so out of control. He looked down at the rolled up twenty dollar bill in his hand and then stood up and made his way to the couch. He remembered that there was a time when he hated junkies and didn't want to have anything to do with them and now he was a junkie himself. He sat down, put the end of the bill against the table, pressed his nose against the other end and snorted, deeply. He tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling and waited for the drugs to kick in.<p>

He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes remembering that moment exactly 4 years ago when he gave up the life that had consumed him, turned him into the monster that he was when everything came crashing down around him.

**FLASHBACK**

**_He was sitting on his bike with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and stared at his father's memorial. He took a deep breath and continued speaking to his father as if he were sitting right beside him. "__It's not too late for my boys. I promise they will never know this life of chaos. I know who you are now.. and what you did. I love you dad."_**

**_He got up and se his helmet and glasses down underneath the inscription on the rock wall and then straddled his bike. At that very moment, he thought that he had everything planned out. He knew exactly how things were going to end for him, but he had changed his mind at the last minute. He all of a sudden felt that he should fulfill his wife's dream and get out and try to start a new life away from this life, the only life, that he knew._**

**_Jax had seen the cop car pull up on the other side of the road and he knew that it would only be a matter of time before he realized who Jax was. So without a second glance, he kick-started his bike and took off hoping that the cop wouldn't clue in until after he was far enough away. He turned and looked behind him with a smug smile on his face and drove out of Charming for good._**

He opened his eyes and sat up. He reached over for his bottle of Jack and took a big gulp before putting his head in his hands. He had thought in that moment four years ago, that maybe escaping Charming once and for all and fulfilling Tara's dream was a good idea. But now, looking back at that day, he now saw that running his bike into the front of the "Papa's Goods" truck and ending it right then would have been a better idea.

He had nothing left to live for. His wife, Tara, was killed by his mother. He had killed his mother because that's what had to be done, but even four years later all those memories haunted him on a regular basis. He took another sip of Jack and took another snort from the table and then stood up. That's why he had taken to alcohol, cocaine and sleeping with a different woman every night. He had hoped that all of these things would help him forget the pain that he felt in his heart, but it barely numbed it. There were not enough drugs and not enough alcohol in the world to take away the pain he felt everyday, all day long.

He grabbed his bottle and then made his way over to the mirror in the bathroom. He stared at his almost 40 year old body in the mirror. He had obviously let himself go since the drugs and the alcohol took over, but he still didn't look too bad. He had lost a lot of weight, his blond hair was longer and unkempt, his blue eyes had lost their shine and they were sunk in. To sum it up, he looked sick, actually, he looked like death.

His eyes moved from the ones staring back at him to the tattoo on his chest and the one on his left arm. The tattoos of his sons' names, Abel and Thomas. The thought of them and the memories he had of them are what gets him through everyday. He still, to this day, thought he had made the best decision to leave his boys with his ex-wife and his mom's boyfriend. He couldn't think of two better people to raise his children than Wendy and Nero. He hoped everyday that they had done what he asked and raised them away from Charming and away from the club. It was a life that he never wanted his children to know. He wanted them to grow up and become the boys and the men that their mom had always wanted them to be and not the monster that he had become.

He had been living under an alias for four years in a small apartment in a suburb outside of Seattle, had found a job at an automotive shop. Some people knew the truth about who he was, but he didn't trust a lot of people. At one point, he thought that he could possibly love again. He had met a beautiful woman about two years ago, but despite how hard he tried to make it work with her, she deserved better than him. He was a criminal and a monster and to be quite honest, when his wife was killed, she took his heart with her.

He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes, threw his head back and downed the rest of the bottle of Jack. His life was shit and he wished that he had ended his life four years ago when he had the chance. He stumbled over to the couch and took one last snort before he leaned back against the couch and became lost by the darkness that slowly consumed him.


	2. Chapter 2

_***This chapter was inspired by the song All You Did Was Save My Life by Our Lady Peace. **_

_**Not every chapter will be inspired by a song, but there are songs that pop into my head that give me ideas for the next part of the story. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**_

_You, looked at me as you walked in the __room_  
><em> Like the red sea, you split me <em>_open_  
><em> Somehow I knew these wings were stolen <em>  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>

_ Tried to run but I couldn't move _  
><em> Well I paid for these concrete <em>_shoes_  
><em> Like a singer that sings the blues <em>  
><em> You saw hope in the hopeless <em>

_ I'm not dying _  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>  
><em> Pulled me out of that flat line <em>  
><em> Put the heartbeat back inside <em>  
><em> I'm not dying <em>  
><em> All you did was get me through <em>  
><em> I owe every breathe to you <em>  
><em> Heart and soul unparalyzed <em>  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>

_ Save my life _

_I'm not for sale but I've been sold _  
><em> The more I hear the less I know <em>  
><em> The lies are swallowed whole <em>  
><em> In there insignificance <em>  
><em> The story's been told a million times <em>  
><em> but it's different when it's your life <em>  
><em> I won <em>_the lottery__ tonight _  
><em> The lottery tonight <em>

_ I'm not dying _  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>  
><em> Pulled me out of that flat line <em>  
><em> Put the heartbeat back inside <em>

_ I'm not dying _  
><em> All you did was get me through <em>  
><em> I owe every breathe to you <em>  
><em> Heart and soul unparalyzed <em>  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>

_ I started to come around _  
><em> The dogs are backing down <em>  
><em> I'm not afraid to see <em>

_The devil's gone underground _  
><em> This tightropes been cut down <em>  
><em> And I can finally breathe <em>

_ You, looked at me as I walked in the room _  
><em> Like the red sea you split me open <em>  
><em> Somehow I knew these wings were stolen <em>

_ I'm not dying _  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>  
><em> Pulled me out of that flat line <em>  
><em> Put the heart beat back inside <em>

_ I'm not dying _  
><em> All you did was get me through <em>  
><em> I owe every breathe to you <em>  
><em> Heart and soul unparalyzed <em>  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>

_ All you did was save my life _  
><em> (Put the heart beat back inside) <em>  
><em> All you did was save my life <em>  
><em> (Put the heart beat back inside) <em>  
><em> All you did was save my life<em>

* * *

><p>When Jax opened his eyes, he was looking into the eyes of a nurse looking down at him. He squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light and he looked around in confusion.<p>

"What the hell?" he groaned, "Why am I in the hospital?" He looked up at his nurse and his heart began to pound in his chest and he panicked. "Rebecca?" he asked in disbelief. She smiled slightly at him as she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. "Hi Jax," she replied quietly.

Jax shook his head, feeling like he was in a dream. Rebecca was the woman that he was with a couple years ago. She was also from Charming way back when. Rebecca and his wife, Tara, were really good friends in elementary school and junior high before he came in and swooped Tara off her feet. Rebecca was always in the background and he had always known that she had secretly wished that she was in Tara's shoes. She was always a nice girl, but he never noticed her, at least not the way she had wanted him to. Rebecca had left Charming around the same time Tara left for Chicago and he never saw her again.

He remembered back to the day that they ran into each other a couple years back.

**FLASHBACK**

_**Jax walked out of his dealer's apartment with his cocaine stash for the week and began walking down the street. He loved the feeling of being able to walk down the street and having no one recognize him. It had been his goal for the last two years to keep a very low profile. He knew that there were SOA charters all over the states of Washington, Oregon and California and most of them knew who he was. But if any of the charters ever got word that the Mayhem vote wasn't carried out, he was pretty sure that someone would see to it that he met his fate. **_

_**"Jax Teller?" he heard someone call out behind him. He put his head down and grumbled. "Shit," he whispered to himself. "Jax Teller, is that you?" the same woman said again. Jax turned around and looked into a pair of beautiful deep brown eyes. He couldn't believe how much she looked like Tara. He recognized this woman standing in front of him, but at that particular moment, he couldn't remember where he knew her from or what her name was. "Yeah, I'm Jax," he replied, trying to act sober, "I'm sorry, I don't know how I know you." "I'm Rebecca Thomson," she replied, "I went to school with you and Tara. Tara was my best friend in elementary school and junior high." As soon as she said that, it all came flooding back to him.**_

_**"Hey," Jax said, smiling his million dollar 'Teller' smile, "Sorry, it's been so long. Rebecca its so great to see you." "You too," she replied, leaning in to give him a quick hug, "I'm so sorry Jax, about Tara. I was so sad when I heard that she was killed." "Yeah," Jax replied, looking down at his hands, "Thanks Rebecca. I miss her very much." "What brings you to Seattle?" she asked him as they began walking towards downtown together, "Did you switch charters?" "I had to get away," Jax replied quickly, not really feeling like getting into the truth with her, "I am no longer part of the SONS." Rebecca looked down at her feet and Jax could tell that he made her feel awkward.**_

_**He stopped walking and reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her. Her hand was warm and it felt good to touch her. "Hey," he said quietly, "I'm sorry. It's just been a rough couple years. I didn't mean to snap at you." "It's ok," she replied, "I understand. I didn't mean to pry." "It's ok Darlin," he replied, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly, "I can't today, I've got somewhere to be, but did you maybe want to go for dinner tomorrow night? We can talk and catch up. I promise I will tell you everything you want to know." Rebecca smiled up at him and nodded her head. "That sounds like a good idea," she replied, "I'll meet you here tomorrow at 7?" Jas turned and looked up and noticed that they were standing in front of a nice looking Italian restaurant. "Perfect," he replied, "I'll see you at 7."**_

* * *

><p>"Why am I in the hospital?" he grumbled, "How did I get here?" "Jax you overdosed on cocaine and Jack Daniels," Rebecca replied, running a warm cloth over his forehead, "A woman, I'm assuming she was with you for the night, called 911 when she found you passed out and barely breathing on the couch." "Jesus Christ," he mumbled to no one in particular, "She should have just left me to die."<p>

Jax was not prepared for what came next. "What the hell?" he growled at her as her hand made contact with his face. "You son of a bitch," Rachel said through clenched teeth, "You are so selfish, it makes me sick. Have you ever thought that some people might actually care about you and whether or not you live or die?" Jax looked at her like she had two heads. "Why do you care so much?" he asked her, rubbing his hand over his cheek, "I was never good for you and I was hardly ever sober when we were together. All I could think about was my next fix and my next drink. You don't need that in your life. I already told you that. You need someone who can take care of you and sweetheart...I'm. Not. That. Guy."

The look she gave him was a look like he had just slapped her across the face. He could see the hurt in her eyes and he just wasn't ready to deal with it right now. He just wanted to get back on his feet and get his next fix. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from her. "Please leave," he mumbled, "I want to be alone."

After a couple minutes of silence he heard the hospital room door close and then it was silent. He knew he had been rude to her and he knew that he had hurt her, but it was the only way for him to keep his distance. He was protecting her from the evil that resided within him. It didn't matter how he felt about her, he didn't think that he would ever be the man that he once was and he would never be the man that she needed or could rely on. At least not while the drugs and alcohol had control over his life.

He reached up and turned off the light, engulfing himself in darkness and closed his eyes waiting for sleep to come.

* * *

><p>Jax opened his eyes several hours later and Rebecca was sitting in a chair beside his bed. "What are you doing here?" he mumbled, "Don't you ever go home?" She lifted a duffle bag up on his bed and looked at him. "I'm taking the next week off," she replied, looking down at him, "And you get discharged today." "So," Jax snapped. Thank God, he thought to himself, the sooner he could get himself some more cocaine and another bottle of Jack, the better. "So," she replied, glaring at him, "I'm taking you home with me." "Like hell I am," he sneered, "That decision is not up to you." "You need to detox, and you need someone to take care of you while you go through it," she replied like she hadn't heard him, "Once you detox, you will be going to rehab and getting yourself back on track. If you don't come home with me today, I know where the Sons of Anarchy Tacoma Charter is based and I will turn you in to them. Don't think for a second that I am bluffing."<p>

Jax's jaw hit the ground. This woman had balls. He knew there was a reason why he had fallen in love with her a couple years ago. She was so similar to Tara, but at the same time, she had other characteristics that he was incredibly attracted to that didn't remind him of Tara.

"How many times have you tried to save me before Becca?" he asked her quietly. "Several," she replied, "Why?" "How many times were you successful?" he continued. "Not once," she mumbled. "Then why do you want to keep subjecting yourself to disappointment?" he asked her, looking into her eyes, "You know this attempt will be the same as the last one a couple years ago. So why bother?" "Because this is not the life Tara would have wanted for you," she shot back, "I will try and I will try again and I will keep on trying until it kills me to make sure you are ok. You may not have Tara anymore, you may not have your mom and you may not have your club, but you have me, if you would accept me as your friend, and you have those beautiful little boys of yours that you need to see again. They deserve to know the man that I believe you can be, not the man or the monster you remember yourself being."

He leaned his head against his pillow and let out a deep sigh. "Fine Becca," he mumbled, "Try your damndest to make me better. I'm a lost cause."


	3. Chapter 3

**_*I'm sure a lot of you think that this is a Tara replacement story and now that I've stopped and re-read the first two chapters, I can understand why you would think that. I'm being completely honest when I say that that wasn't my intention at all. I hope to build something real between these two and not something based on memories of Tara (if that makes any sense). Rebecca is her own woman, maybe in some ways she is even stronger than Tara was._**

A few days later Rebecca sat in her living room with a cup of coffee and was watching her one year old daughter, Anna, play with her toys on the rug. Her baby girl turned her head towards her and gave her a big smile. Rebecca got up and sat down beside Anna on the floor and looked into her bright blue eyes and ran her hand through Anna's blond hair. Anna was the best gift that Rebecca had ever received. She certainly wasn't planned, but for the last 13 months, Rebecca had felt joy like she had never experienced before.

Rebecca turned her head when she heard the spare room door close. Jax was wrapped up in a blanket as he slowly made his way down the hall and into the living room. He hadn't said two words to Rebecca since they had left the hospital together three days ago and since then he has been detoxing and in an extreme amount of pain. She knew he was pissed off at her for trying to save him again, but she had told herself that if she ever ran into him again and he was in the same condition as 22 months ago, she would make sure he got better.

"I'm sorry I've been such a dick the last couple days," he said quietly, sitting down in a chair across from where she was sitting on the floor, "I just...the thought of not knowing what I will do with my life after I get sober is terrifying to me. I've always known what I was supposed to be doing and now I don't have anything left." "I know it's tough Jax, to find meaning in your life," Rebecca replied, "But you will find a new meaning and purpose for your life. There are people out there that think you are dead and you abandoned your sons because you didn't think that you could offer them the life they deserve. But despite what you may think, those boys and those people that think you are dead, _they_ need you."

He nodded his head to acknowledge her and then looked over at Anna. "She's beautiful," Jax said quietly, "How old is she?" Rebecca didn't want to have this conversation right now, but she knew it was going to happen sooner or later. "She is 13 months old and she is the love of my life." "Wow," he stated, "You didn't waste any time after I left, did you?" Rebecca winced at this, it was like he had slapped her across the face.

She remembered that day like it was yesterday. Her and Jax had mutually agreed that their relationship could never go any further than friendship. They agreed that trying to be in a relationship would prove to be too difficult emotionally and mentally, for both of them. That agreement was quickly forgotten when one day he had showed up at her apartment. He had been sober for three days and the clarity of everything in his life was too intense for him, including his feelings for her, and he desperately wanted a drink or another cocaine fix. He had explained to her that being with her was the only thing keeping him from caving into the temptation.

**FLASHBACK**

_**"What are you doing here?" Rebecca asked as she let Jax into the apartment. They had had a massive fight a few days ago. She had told him that she could no longer be near him if he wasn't willing to clean himself up and get sober. "I've been sober since I left here three nights ago Becca," Jax replied, turning to look at her, "I had to be with you or be near you. The cravings are unreal and I don't want to succumb to them." **_

_**Rebecca followed Jax into the living room and sat down beside him on the couch. "I'm proud of you for holding on," she said quietly, looking over at him, "I have no idea what you are going through right now, but I'm sure this isn't easy for you. I'm glad you came here. I'm here whenever you need me." Jax smiled at her slightly and then looked down at his hands for a moment.**_

_**Nothing was said between them after that and Rebecca knew that he just needed her to be there with him in that moment. Nothing needed to be said.**_

_**Rebecca lifted her head up and looked at Jax at the same moment that he looked over at her. In a matter of seconds his lips were pressed against hers in a fiery kiss. Goosebumps appeared all over her body and she reached up and grabbed his hair in her hands. She had thought and dreamt of this moment since she was in junior high. She forced herself to turn her brain off and not think about the consequences of this moment because she knew the list would be numerous.**_

_**Jax lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom and she didn't say a word as he closed the door behind him.**_

* * *

><p>Rebecca shook her head to clear her mind and then looked up at Jax who was now sitting on the floor beside her, playing with Anna. He was still the same guy that she was with back then, but he looked incredibly different. He was skinnier, his eyes were sunken in and he just looked unwell. The drugs and alcohol had done more damage than she had originally thought.<p>

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her as he made a stuffed bunny dance for Anna and she giggled. Rebecca smiled at the interaction. "Nothing," she replied. "Why do I get the feeling that you aren't being honest with me?" Jax asked her, looking up at her. "I was thinking about that night that you showed up at my door," she replied shyly, "How I wished so badly that you would have stayed sober after that." "I was stupid," Jax replied, "When I woke up the next morning I panicked. You looked so amazing laying there beside me and I so badly wanted to stay with you, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay. So I did the only thing that I knew how to do. I left and went straight to my dealer and then the liquor store. I've been messed up ever since."

Rebecca wiped the few tears that had escaped with her hand and looked at him. She knew that she had to tell him the truth, but right now, in the middle of his detoxing, was not a good time to drop a bomb like the one she was holding on to. She was sure that it would freak him out and send him into a tailspin if she told him right now.

"Jax, will you do something for me?" Rebecca asked him hopefully, "Or, if not for me, then for yourself or for your boys." "I can't promise anything," Jax replied, "But I can try." She knelt on her knees in front of Jax and reached for his hands. "There is a 6 month rehab centre just down the block from the hospital," Rebecca started, looking into his eyes, "Will you please give some serious thought this week to going there after you are done detoxing? I think if you don't give this some real consideration you might not be so lucky next time. I'm not going to beg you to go Jax, but I just thought I would throw it out there." "I'll think about it," Jax said quietly, "Like I said, I can't promise you anything, but I will definitely think about it."

Rebecca watched as he stood up, quickly kissed her on the forehead and made his way back to the spare room. Her heart sank a little. She didn't want to seem pushy and she didn't think she was, but she also couldn't just expect him to jump up and do what she wanted either. She pulled her baby girl into her lap and Anna cuddled into her arms. Her only dream, hope and prayer at this moment was that she could make an effort to save her baby girl's daddy.

* * *

><p>Jax curled up on the bed in the spare room and stared at the wall. He was cold and the headache was intense and excruciating. He pounded his fists against the mattress and groaned into the pillow. This whole detox thing hurt so much. He knew that Rebecca was just trying to help and he appreciated that, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to change his life. He turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and forget about reality for awhile. He didn't have to face the real world and quite honestly, he didn't want to.<p>

The look on her face when she asked him to think about rehab crushed him. He wanted so much to make her happy and go through the program, but he didn't think that he was at that place yet where he could swallow his pride and go. At this point, he still wasn't sure if he even wanted to see Abel and Thomas. He was afraid it would confuse them and cause them unnecessary pain. But maybe there was that possibility that he could get his life back on track and make an effort to be a constant in his boys' lives. He didn't know what he wanted in life right now. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he got about it.

He closed his eyes and rolled over on his back. How did he get to this place and why couldn't it just be easy to give the shit up? He could feel the hot tears flood his eyes and he could no longer stop them from falling. He knew he had to make a change, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to make it happen.


	4. Chapter 4

_***This chapter and probably a few more after this were inspired by Fix You by Cold Play. I hope you guys enjoy this and for those of you who are ify about this story, I hope that it is slowly growing on you. The reaction that I have been getting from some reviewers was exactly what I was hoping for. It's different and it's not at all what you were expecting. I wanted to write this story from a different angel and I think I achieved that goal.**_

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_  
><em> When you get what you want, but not what you need<em>  
><em> When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep<em>  
><em> Stuck in <em>_reverse_

_ And the __tears__ come streaming down your face_  
><em> When you lose something you can't <em>_replace_  
><em> When you love someone, but it goes to waste<em>  
><em> Could it be worse?<em>

_ Lights will guide you __home_  
><em> And ignite your bones<em>  
><em> And I will try to fix you<em>

_ And high up above or down below_  
><em> When you're too in love to let it go<em>  
><em> But if you never try you'll never know<em>  
><em> Just what you're worth<em>

_Lights will guide you home_  
><em> And ignite your bones<em>  
><em> And I will try to fix you<em>

_ Tears __stream__ down your face_  
><em> When you lose something you cannot replace<em>  
><em> Tears stream down your face<em>  
><em> And I...<em>

_ Tears stream down your face_  
><em> I promise you I will learn from my mistakes<em>  
><em> Tears stream down your face<em>  
><em> And I...<em>

_ Lights will guide you home_  
><em> And ignite your bones<em>  
><em> And I will try to fix you<em>

* * *

><p>The next morning after Rebecca's mom came and picked up Anna for the day, she was sitting at the kitchen table staring down at a piece of paper with a phone number on it. Did she dare call, she wondered to herself. The last thing she wanted to do was create unnecessary chaos. She knew that phoning them and telling them that Jax was still alive was only fair to them, but maybe it would do more harm than good. She took a sip of her coffee and took a deep breath before picking up her phone and dialing the number.<p>

It rang three times before someone picked up. "Hello," a small boy said into the phone. Rebecca's heart began to pound in her chest. "Hi, is your mommy or daddy home?" she asked sweetly. "Mommy!" the little boy yelled, "Phone for you." Rebecca took a couple deep breaths before a different voice came on the phone. "Hello," she said. "Hi, Wendy?" Rebecca said sound uncertain. "Yes," she replied. "Wendy, I don't know if you remember me, my name is Rebecca Wilcox," she replied, "I was really good friends with Tara and Jax back in our school days." "Of course, Rebecca, how are you?" Wendy asked nicely, "Didn't think I would ever hear from you. What's this about?"

Rebecca stood up from the table and began pacing the kitchen unsure of how to approach the subject. "I'm calling about Jax," Rebecca replied quietly. "What about him?" Wendy asked, sounding confused, "He died four years ago. It was a Mayhem vote. I thought you may have heard that through the grapevine." "Wendy, Jax is not dead," Rebecca replied, "It is the story they are telling everyone because if they knew he was still alive, they would hunt him down and kill him."

There was a very long silence on the other end and Rebecca could have sworn that Wendy had hung up. "How do you know this?" she said in almost a whisper. "Because I ran into him a couple years ago," Rebecca replied, "And then he disappeared and reappeared four days ago in the hospital because of a drug and alcohol overdose. I have him at my place. He is detoxing right now, but I don't really know what his plan is after he is done detoxing." "Holy shit," Wendy replied, "I always thought you were an amazing person. Always wanting to take care of people and being there for people. But I find it really hard to believe that he turned into an alcoholic and a junky." "It's devastating Wendy," Rebecca replied, "I didn't think it was possible. But the cocaine and alcohol has completely changed who he was before he lost everything."

"Why are you telling me this Rebecca?" Wendy asked. "Would you be interested in trying to start over with him?" Rebecca asked curiously, "If he got himself cleaned up?" "Rebecca, I never wanted him to be out of our lives," Wendy replied, "I didn't know anything that had happened until Nero told me a few weeks later. Of course if he wanted to give it another shot with the boys, I would love for that to happen."

Rebecca smiled to herself. "Did you get involved with him?" Wendy asked, catching her off guard. "Ummm...it was short lived," Rebecca struggled to get the words out, "It last a couple a months, but he was more stoned and drunk than he ever was sober and one day he freaked out and left. I never saw him again until four days ago when I was doing my shift at the hospital and he was one of my patients." "Good lord," Wendy exclaimed, "Are you a doctor too?" "No," Rebecca laughed, "I'm a registered nurse." "I was going to say," Wendy replied, "Although a nurse isn't too far off from a doctor. Jax sure has a thing for women in the medical field." Rebecca bit her bottom lip and didn't respond to that.

"I know it might come across as a silly question," Wendy said after a moment, "But why do you want to help him so much? He's a stubborn ass, I'm sure you at least know that much. If you have tried before, multiple times, then why waste your time now?" Rebecca knew Wendy was going to ask that and she wasn't sure if she should tell her the truth or not. "I have my reasons Wendy," Rebecca replied feeling that this was the best answer she could give her at the moment, "But I'm not going to lie. I have feelings for him and it is in my nature to want to make things and people better. That's just how I roll." "Fair enough," Wendy replied, "Look, Rebecca, I have to go. I have to get the boys to school, but please, call me daily if you have to. Just keep me posted on how Jax is doing." "I will Wendy," Rebecca replied before saying good-bye and hanging up, thankful that Wendy didn't push her for more answers.

* * *

><p>Jax sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the stack of papers in his hand. Once Rebecca had gone to bed the night before Jax had snuck out of his room and did his research on the computer. He had located the rehab centre that Rebecca was talking about and read through every page before he decided that he was going to print out the paper work and think about it over the next couple days. After he had printed everything out and went back to his room to try and sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Before the night was over all of the forms were filled out and he managed to sleep peacefully for a couple hours after that.<p>

He was amazed how his attitude changed in a matter of hours. He was excited to tell Rebecca. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a white tank top and his favorite baseball hat and walked out of his room and down the hall towards the kitchen and living room.

Rebecca looked up at him from her place at the table and gave him a small smile. "Good morning," she said happily, "Did you want some coffee?" She was about to get up and get it for him when he put his hand up. "I can get it," he replied and he dropped a stack of paper on the table in front of her. "What's this?" she asked as he walked into the kitchen to grab himself a cup of coffee. "I've made up my mind Becca," Jax stated as he sat down at the table across from her, "I'm almost 40 years old and I can't continue to live my life like this. I'm going to need your help and your support through this, but I'm ready to get better."

She looked up from the forms in her hand with tears in her eyes. "You really mean it?" she asked him, her eyes looking hopeful, "You really want to do this?" "Every time you kept mentioning my boys, all I was hoping is that some day maybe Wendy will be ok with me seeing them from time to time," Jax stated, "I know I'll never be able to go back to Charming, but I at least want my boys to know me as a new man and not the monster that I was."

Rebecca stood up from her spot at the table and made her way over to him. His heart was pounding in his chest as she got closer to him. Rebecca wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him close. Jax wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her, burying his nose in her hair, which smelt of strawberries.

"Thank you Jax," she whispered quietly, "It won't be easy, but I'll be there for you every step of the way." Jax didn't quite understand why she was thanking him when he was the one that should be thankful to her. "If anyone should be saying thank you Rebecca, it's me," Jax said quietly looking into her eyes, "I can't promise anything and I know that it is going to be hard, but without pressuring me, you encouraged me to go. I want to give the rehab thing a shot. I truly do, but I need you. I need a really good friend right now and you have been nothing but amazing during all this."

She looked up at him and smiled. In truth though, Jax wanted to be more than just friends, but an actual relationship was not what he needed right now. He needed to know that Rebecca was behind him 100% and that she supported him as he took this next step. He smiled back at her and then quickly pulled away from her. The urge to take her into his arms and kiss her and love her was ridiculous at that moment and he knew he had to put some distance between them.

Rebecca reached down and grabbed the forms in her hand. "I'll take these to the rehab centre and I'll bring back a drug test for you to take," Rebecca said quietly, "I think you need to have detoxed for at least a week before they will admit you into the program." Jax nodded his head in agreement. "Sounds good," Jax said, "I'll be here when you get back." She grabbed her purse and walked over and kissed him on the forehead before she left the apartment.

He leaned back in his chair and watched her until she closed the door behind her. He could do this, he had no choice.


End file.
